Search Results: Humorous Bulletins
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Top 10 Results:

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10. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions.
..... She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

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9. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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8. The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals.
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7. Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding.
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6. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church
... in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
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5. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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4. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer,
... the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
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3. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
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2. Tuesday at 4PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
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1. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
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Hymn 43: "Great God, what do I see here?"
      Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett
      Hymn 47: "Hark! an awful voice is sounding"
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(During the minister's illness) GOD IS GOOD.
Dr. Hargreaves is better.
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The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell
May 10 and 11.
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Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be
given to church secretary.
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Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa
will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial
Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear
Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.
It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth
keeping around the house. Don't forget
your husbands.
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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for
today has been canceled due to a conflict.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the
choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Barbara remains in the hospital and needs
blood donors for more transfusions. She is
also having trouble sleeping and requests
tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married
on October 24 in the church. So ends a
friendship that began in their school days.
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Attend and you will hear an excellent
speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
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The cost for attending the Fasting
and Prayer conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning:
"Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight:
"Searching for Jesus."
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Youth basketball team is back in action
Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall.
Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass
This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to
the congregation.
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Please place your donation in the envelope
along with the deceased person you
want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining,
superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
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This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn
sing in the park across from the Church.
Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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The senior choir invites any member of
the congregation who enjoys sinning to
join the choir
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Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell"
to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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For those of you who have children and don't
know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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The rosebud on the alter this morning is to
announce the birth of David Alan Belzer,
the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
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This afternoon there will be a meeting in the
South and North ends of the church. Children
will be baptized at both ends.
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Tuesday at 4:00 pm there will be an
ice cream social. All ladies giving milk
will please come early.
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Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed accompanied by the pastor."
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Thursday at 5:00 pm there will be a meeting
of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to
be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor
in his study.
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This being Easter Sunday, we will ask
Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an
egg on the altar.
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The service will close with
"Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies
will start quietly and the rest of the
congregation will join in.
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Next Sunday a special collection will
be taken to defray the cost of the
new carpet. All those wishing to do
something on the new carpet will
come forward and do so.
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The ladies of the church have cast off
clothing of every kind. They can be seen
in the church basement Saturday.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday
evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon
topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and
listen to our choir practice.
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Remember in prayer the many who are
sick of our church and community.
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22 members were present at the church
meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha
Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield
and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet,
The Lord Knows Why.
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The choir invites any member of the
congregation who enjoys sinning to
join the choir.

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The third verse of Blessed Assurance
will be sung without musical accomplishment.
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The music for today's service was all
composed by George Friedrich Handel
in celebration of the 300th anniversary
of his birth.
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A song fest was hell at the Methodist
church Wednesday.
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Today's Sermon: How Much Can a
Man Drink? with hymns from a full choir.
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Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford."
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Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass
this way again" giving obvious pleasure
to the congregation.
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Women's Luncheon: Each member
bring a sandwich. Polly Phillips will give
the medication.

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The church will host an evening of fine dining,
superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
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The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
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The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
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Evening massage - 6 p.m.
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The audience is asked to remain seated
until the end of the recession.
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Ushers will eat latecomers.
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The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
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The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to
the delight of the audience.
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During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the
rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when
J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
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Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the
morning service. The pastor will then speak
on "It's a Terrible Experience."
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Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
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Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"

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The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a
great success. Special thanks are due to
the minister's daughter, who labored the
whole evening at the piano, which as
usual fell upon her.

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Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.
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The Scouts are saving aluminum cans,
bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday
morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch
in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet
Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.

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The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7p.m. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

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Mrs. Johnson will be entering the
hospital this week for testes.
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Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child.
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The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread
and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's
new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday:
"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
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Our next song is
"Angels We Have Heard Get High."
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed,
due to the addition of several new members
and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

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The pastor will preach his farewell message,
after which the choir will sing,
"Break Forth Into Joy."
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Sermon Outline:
I. Delineate your fear
II. Disown your fear
III. Displace your rear
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Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on
"It's a Terrible Experience."
.............................................................................

We are grateful for the help of those who
cleaned up the grounds around the church
building and the rector.
.............................................................................

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs
blood donors for more transfusions. She
is also having trouble sleeping and
requests tapes of Pastor Nelson's sermons.

.............................................................................

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married
on October 24 in the church. So ends a
friendship that began in their school days.
.............................................................................

The ushers will come forward and take our
ties and offerings.
.............................................................................

The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer,
the sin of Reverend and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
.............................................................................

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement
on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is
invited to attend this tragedy.
.............................................................................

Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.
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Let us join David and Lisa in the celebration
of their wedding and bring their happiness
to a conclusion.
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Helpers are needed! Please sign up
on the information sheep.
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Diana and Don request your presents
at their wedding.
.............................................................................

The concert held in Fellowship Hall was
a great success. Special thanks are due
to the minister's daughter, who labored
the whole evening at the piano, which
as usual fell upon her.

.............................................................................

The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will
be hell May 10 and 11.
.............................................................................
Tuesday at 4PM there will be an ice cream
social. All ladies giving milk will please
come early.
.............................................................................

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please
use large double door at the side entrance.
.............................................................................

Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.
.............................................................................

Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch.
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